| Hello! My name is Sarah Eisenberg. (It's short for Jewish.) I'm a stand-up comedian and writer from New York City. (That's short for borderline asshole.) My birthday is on Christmas Eve, which means I have spent over a quarter of a century being upstaged by Jesus. It's fine. Here is some information about me. You can use it to paint my mental picture in your head, or use it against me when I am inevitably indicted by the federal government. Do you like math? Not really. Not even the quadratic equation? No, sorry. Which celebrity break-up do you think is the saddest? Bethenny Frankel & Jill Zarin What was the best year of all time? I would say 1993, or the first half of 1994. I would have to check when Shannen Doherty officially left "Beverly Hills, 90210". Pretty much everything went downhill from there. Do you think the drum break in the Phil Collins song "In the Air Tonight" is the best drum break of all time? Yes, it definitely is. Good call. What the fuck is with you and Heidi Fleiss? See the section on this website called Get Glamorous!, or read this blog entry, or this one. Also what the fuck is with you and not Heidi Fleiss? If a brother and sister in Alabama decide to have an incestual relationship and have a baby together, what do you think they should name it? Amberly. Do you like TV? Yeah. What scares you the most? People with big faces. Do you pronounce "Nevada" like Nevada, or Nevada? Nevada. Is there anything you'd rather do than see a Broadway musical? Everything. Do you believe in God? Yes I think God is very funny, because why else would there be an 's' in the word lisp? A/s/l? 107/f/Bermuda Triangle What is the all-time best quote from "The Golden Girls"? "Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you in anything backless." -Sophia Petrillo What are the ingredients in Ed Hardy wine? 62% roofies, 21% Zima, 17% shame. What is your favorite unit of measurement? Kelvins. If you have to choose between going to the bathroom at Port Authority or at a crackhouse, which one should you choose? Your pants. |